What's F-A-S-C-I-S-T?

[Intro]
Welcome to the state of the not so free  
Where a felon gets elected by decree  
(FOTUS in the flesh baby)  
Say it with me F A S C I S T  
No vowels left in our democracy  

[Verse 1]
My country’s got a new daddy  
Orange and flabby a bit too grabby  
Ties to Epstein tighter than his toupee  
But hey that’s just locker room foreplay  

Fraudulent mogul turned Führer lite  
Tweets at dawn dreams of Reich  
He lost the vote but won the rage  
And now he’s back on center stage  

[Chorus]
What’s fascist  
What’s fascist what’s fascist what’s fascist  
Marchin boots or just bad business  
What’s fascist  
(Funny how it creeps in huh)  
When does dumb become dangerous  

[Verse 2]
Elon a billion tech bro prophet  
Freedom of speech but only for profit  
Rocket to Mars but he won't go  
Too busy buying platforms to own the flow  

He memes like a teen but vibes like a czar  
Tesla'd the world now he’s steering the car  
He and the FOTUS make quite the pair  
One’s got satellites the other just stares  

[Bridge]
Let’s talk about rights or the ones we lost  
Wrapped in flags sold at discount cost  
Freedom’s a brand now made in fear  
And the smell of fascism’s getting near  

You smell that  
(Sniff sniff)  
It’s liberty with a side of pepper spray  

[Chorus]
What’s fascist  
What’s fascist what’s fascist what’s fascist  
Is it just a grift with a punch and a list  
What’s fascist  
Is it red hats and white fists  
Or your uncle yelling at the fridge  

[Verse 3]
When I was a baby I laughed at clowns  
Now they run the towns  
And pass laws so upside down  
That Kafka’s ghost just frowned  

They banned books but praised assault  
Said free speech but called it your fault  
They want order without a soul  
Power dressed in Sunday scroll  

[Chorus]
What’s fascist  
What’s fascist what’s fascist what’s fascist  
When the court's a joke and the joke's a fascist  
What’s fascist  
(Oh baby it's creeping fast)  
When the lies feel just like facts  

[Outro]
So grab your torch or grab your wine  
But don’t pretend you didn’t see the signs  
A felon a rapist a fraud in a suit  
Selling freedom in a jackboot  

(And the people said)

What’s fascist  
What’s fascist what’s fascist what’s fascist  
Funny how we ask it last  

—
V2:

[Verse 1]
My song is a little bit quirky,
And a little bit alarming, like
Grabbing 'em proudly or
Epstein's guest list in Mar-a-Lago charming

It’s also a little bit bleak,
And a little bit preachy, like
Fourth Reich chic or
Maxwell’s brunch speech on “beach etiquette” week

[Pre-Chorus]
So put your logic on airplane mode
And turn your morals to “Don’t Ask, Bro”

[Verse 2]
Welcome to the show, it goes a little like this
A grin, a jab, and a fascist twist
A slap on the wrist for a felon’s assist
“Democracy’s dead?”... They barely missed
Got a tune that’ll tickle your fears
Starts with a question whispered in your ears:

[Chorus]
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Fashy, fa-fascist...
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Just another flag-draped power trip
That they call “patriotism”

[Verse 3]
Humor’s tied to shared delusion,
Like a guy says “Hand dryers suck,”
And suddenly everyone’s healed
From the trauma of living under a felonious duck
FOTUS, they say, Felon of the United States
But lately that acronym’s growing teeth
Fascist of the United States

[Verse 4]
Elect a rapist with a grin,
Epstein's friend with a spray tan sin
Thirty charges deep and still he runs
Like democracy’s just reruns
“Stolen election?” He screams on stage
While stacking courts like Monopoly games
Books are banned, truth’s in a cage
And he’s selling T-shirts that scream “Rage”

[Chorus]
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Like shooting truth in a campaign ad
And kissing the flag like a cult gone mad

[Bridge]
I used to laugh at silly wigs
Now I flinch, ‘cause the wig’s got nukes, kids
And the mob chants “lock her up!”
While their king writes checks to shut women up
When a flag waves harder than facts stand tall
And the courtroom becomes a free-for-all
When justice bends for a billionaire brat
You have to ask: What system is that?

[Final Chorus]
What’s fascist?
Is it loud and proud in a red state’s cheer?
Or is it subtle, creeping in with fear?
It’s not boots and salutes this time,
It’s hashtags, handshakes, and headline crime

Fashy, fa-fascist...
What’s fascist?
When democracy’s the setup
And the punchline is silence.

—
V3:
My song is a little bit quirky,
And a little bit alarming, like
Grabbing ‘em proudly or
A gold-toilet king charming Epstein’s farm in
It’s also a little bit bleak, and a
Little bit preachy, like
Fourth Reich chic or
Gaslighting on national TV weekly
So put your logic on airplane mode,
And turn your morals to "Don't Ask, Bro"

Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this:

A grin, a jab, and a
Lick of fascist bliss
A twist on the wrist of a rigged little list
Like “Which rights you want?”
Oops, they just don’t exist
I got a tune that’ll test your wit,
It starts with a question, and the question is:

“What’s fascist?”
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Fashy, fa-fascist...

What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Hmm... orange tinted obvious 
Oh yeah!

Now satire’s often tied to shared delusion,
Like a guy gets up and says:
“Man, I miss when facts caused confusion”
“Now I miss when a coup was just a board game, bro...
Not when Uncle Ted stormed the Capitol for show!”
See if you’re a red-hat comic?
Just mumble “woke,”
Then shoot an AR-15 at a Diet Coke
Say “gender” with a grimace,
“Pronouns?” with a frown
Then proudly name your truck George Washington Brown
(He hauls your freedom and your Bud Light too)
‘Til they replace the Constitution with a Don Jr. tattoo

What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Fashy, fa-fascist...

What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Like calling treason "patriotic."
Oooh baby...

When I was younger, maybe I laughed at goofy wigs,
Now I cry ‘cause the wig’s got the nuke codes, kids
And the FOTUS? That’s Felon of the United States
But these days it's feelin’ more like
Fascist of the United States
Elect a crook who grins through arraignment,
Sues the court and sells arraignments
Rap sheet reads like a Playboy playlist,
(Hello Epstein! Hello Ghislaine, Miss!)
But sure, let’s just say he “won” that race,
With some help from space lasers and
A Klan rally cake...

My dog can’t vote but he knows it’s a scam
When a guy leads a mob and still says “I am...
...the law!”
(Then sniffs your daughter... bro, what’s the draw?)
Wants a country run like a brand new jail,
Build the wall, deport the mail!
Don’t trust books, don’t trust thought
But DO trust the guy who said:
“I could shoot someone... and they’d still vote, watch”

What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
Like... flags at half-staff for a truth that’s deceased
Or kids in cages singing the national bleep
Fashy, fa-fascist...
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
It’s America, sweetie,
Just add cheese and fear. 

[Spoken interlude]
You know it’s funny, right?
When fascists stop being jokes and start being headlines
When you say "not him again!"
And half the country says:
"He’s my Jesus... with better hair."

So what’s fascist?
Is it when power’s praised more than the truth?
Is it when justice takes longer than youth?
When the rapist runs free,
While librarians flee,
And a flag means more than a human being?
Oh, what’s fascist?
When the press gets pressed, and the courts regress,
When the grift is loud but the facts are suppressed,
And the laws are a joke, but the joke ain’t funny…
'Cause the punchline, dear, is
“This land ain’t free, honey.”

So put your conscience to silent
And your soul in a vault,
'Cause we’ve normalized evil
And blamed it on “woke” assault

[Final chorus]
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
(It's when satire sounds too real to laugh)
Fashy, fa-fascist...
What’s fascist?
What’s fascist, what’s fascist, what’s fascist?
America’s asking...
But she’s afraid of the answer.

—
V4:
(to the tune of “What’s Funny?” by Bo Burnham Gypsy jazz, swing with sly sarcasm)

My song’s a little bit snarky,
And a little bit scary, like
A toddler in camo or
Your meemaw quoting Mein Kampf at the Dairy Queen
It’s also a little bit red,
White and blue in the head, like
A flag on a truck that says
“Don’t tread on me (unless it’s Marjorie Greene)”
So put your rights on silent
And put your silence on rights mode
Welcome to the show... it goes a little bit like this:
Joke... choke
Welcome to the flow... it flows a little bit like this:
With a smirk and a hiss and a
Backdoor fascist twist
Like Tucker wrappin’ a gift: Boom!
I got a show that'll haunt your bliss
And it asks one question and the question is:

What's fascist?
What's fascist, what's fascist, what's fascist?
What's fascist, what's fascist, what's fascist?
Fast-list, gas-lit,
What’s fascist?

Is it voting for a felon ‘cause he “talks like me”?
Is it calling that dude "FOTUS",
(Felon Of The United States, obviously)
Or is it fascist when the guy's got ties
To Epstein flights and teeny lies
And you’re chill 'cause you’d rather
Have a rapist than a Democrat neighbor?
Yeah maybe he just “loves this land”
While gropin’ ladies with tiny hands
And maybe, MAYBE
He kinda stole that election
But hey,
That’s just projection (ahem)

What's fascist?
Is it banning books? Or shaking fists?
What's fascist, what's fascist, what’s fascist?
Is it red hats and loyalty tests?
Or maybe it's tear gas at peaceful protests?

Maybe it's when Christ got co-opted
For tax cuts and border walls, undaunted
Or when cops get tanks and
Teachers get bullets and
Billionaires write the rules, ain't that cool?
Maybe it’s fascist when ICE tattoos kids
With tracking numbers like meat in a fridge
Or maybe it's just “strong leadership”
With a little hint of dictatorship 👀
Like…
If you scream “FREEDOM” with your mouth wide open
But throw a fit if someone’s woke or hopin’
Then baby, you’re not in a democracy
You’re in a paranoid toxic monogamy
With white supremacy
And cognitive dissonancy
That calls itself... "Tradition"

What’s fascist?
What's fascist, what's fascist, what's fascist?
What's fascist, what's fascist, what's fascist?
Classist, Baptist, corporate-bought madness,
What’s fascist?

When I was a baby, maybe I smiled at jingling keys
Now I’m older and bolder and I just cringe
‘Cause the keys are to a Hummer
Flying 15 flags
With a bumper sticker that says
“You’re not a patriot unless you own a gun AND a podcast” 
I mean...
If comedy’s just tragedy plus time
Then fascism is just apathy plus rhymes
And if “he says what I’m thinkin’”
Means you’re thinkin’ about jailing journalists,
Then your brain might just be
Fascist-curious

What’s fascist?
A president who pardons his friends?
A nation that votes for the end?
A court stacked like a fascist Jenga—
Where rights fall down and flags get bigger?
What’s fascist?
Is it just a fashion trend?
Or maybe it’s America...
Pretending it’s not the end. 

[Tagline outro]
Is it Mussolini in a MAGA hat?
A QAnon dad with a baseball bat?
Or maybe it’s...
The fact you’re laughing
Even now.
What’s fascist?